Hi.

Hello hello. "How have you been?"

I haven't written in eons, but I am still alive! I think...

Lately I feel so indifferent and yet ambivalent about choices and events in my life. I don't like it. I want to feel alive. I want to be vibrant and vivacious... but I just feel lost and insignificant.

The funny thing is that I definitely have been embracing God's message that He is all we need. Good grades, a job, etc, are all things that help us survive or that can deserve merit, but God is really the only need I have that cannot be qualified subjectively for me. So why do I feel so down?

Psalm 43:5 spoke out to me this week:

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.


Yes, I want to praise Him! Yes, I want to put all of my hope into Him. And yet... what am I doing? I feel like a shell. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I am only human.

I wonder what I've gone and done to myself to change into this person I barely recognize... suffering from sleepless nights. Since when has smiling become a chore? I won't give up, I won't give in... but for today I will give it up to God. It's too strong for me today... and I wonder if it'll be okay if I pray that prayer again tomorrow...

i'm DONE.

i sent in my last final paper a couple hours ago. AU REVOIR, UNDERGRAD.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yet, I am still incredulous. Wow. It's OVER?! WHAT THEEEEEEEEEE.

8D

Floating

Hello all!
So I didn't announce it in my blog, but I think I will now... I ended up revoking my application from the internship in France for hotel managing, because the company was being very disorganized. They also glazed over a lot of important questions I had concerning living arrangements, dates I would go, which VISA to get... so ... CACA SUR VOUS!!! Too bad that doesn't make me feel any better about losing my principal chance to going back to France... sigh

I've been reading over my old blogs, and I realized... I really like blogging and reading over things. LOL So! I think I might spend more time on here! (Can I get a Yee haw???) Also! I realized that it might be interesting for me to upload entries from my diary while I was traveling. That way it could be an awesome travel blog, yea? Maybe some people can learn more about life in France, and in Europe in general, since I did do some extensive traveling. :)

Just a thought.

But man... I would just like a job that incorporates French, helping others, and anything that is not a desk-job or cubicle-related. I'm just floating until God presents me with an opportunity...

OH! SHARON GOT INTO USC GRAD PROGRAM! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO HAPPY FOR HERRR~! and I knew she could do it; she's so smart and awesome! Only the best roomies get into the best grad programs! hahah :D

Ok, time to get ready before class! Being a student is so hard especially during Week 8 of SPRING quarter... we're all just counting down until summer... or in my case... GRADUATION! YEEEAAA YUHHHHHHHH!

Gros bisous!

-Michelle

Waiting for my Easytones is not an easy thing to do.

Nooooo!!! You can't make meeeeeeeee... write my paper. -_-

I have yet another paper to poop out (as Sharon puts it, haha). This is getting to be super draining. It's hot to boot. Which makes me want to run and frolic outside, which I already did today! :)

Today was our annual Outdoor Service at church. Whheeee! The weather was gorgeous!! <3

Prayer requests:
Deda and Mario's health
Unni's wedding (bachelorette weekend)
Moving out/Moving in logistics
Sharon's grad school decision
San Leandro Hospital
job hunt

So many things on my mind lately, I feel bogged down, physically and mentally. Unfortunately, I was born with the odd superpower of NOT being able to take a nap. I've taken around 3 or 4 in my lifetime, and they range from 2 minutes to 5 hours. (Just some interesting stats for you...)

La dee dee dee!! My goal for summer is to lose 5 more pounds, I am so close to my goal!! :D And it's not to be freaky deaky skinny, it's for health. I want to just feel light and dance-y fresh anytime, all the time! :)

I just bought new Reebok Easytone shoes. I AM SO EXCITED. I actually saved up to buy them, so I am impatiently waiting for them. Eeek!

When I get them I will definitely write a review on them. These shoes are special, because they are built in a way that while you walk around you are working out specific muscles and getting toned. I mean, I walk EVERYWHERE, so I might as well get definition in my tushie and legs while I do it. I cannnot waiiiittt!! (But, obviously I can wait, since I'm waiting right now. And now. And now...)

I am looking forward to this summer. I want to move back home. I want to just chill and relax. And I want to start a new chapter of my life... my career! Yessss.... I know God is waiting to put me in touch with my true calling, and I am eager to find out what it is! :)

Please pray that I can stay calm and patient as He gets it all ready!!

Okily dokily, time to TRY and extend this paper another page. (WHEW)

Gros bisous,

Michelle

Happy Mother's Day! @-/--

Happy Umma's Day!!

Today at church, a couple that just had twin girls gave their testimony and it was really heart-wrenching. They talked about how hard they tried to have children and that they made themselves vulnerable to God to and to our church, and that was when God was able to reach out and bless them with their children. They also faced a miscarriage. I couldn't believe it since I knew the father of the girls and was always so bright and happy. Thank You, God for blessing them with children. If I know anyone who deserves to have children, it's Ji and Nancy. <3

I was a bit tired today, so sorry if I seemed out of it at church. I couldn't sleep very well last night, and I even found myself sleeping on the mat with the babies during daycare. It's okay, it's safe to leave your babies with me!! ;)

Taking care of babies is HARD work, so you should all REALLY thank your mommas for putting up with you (and your dads too, today and next month!).

Here are some pictures of my momma and me:






















Well. That makes me depressed. I just found out that the last time I took a picture WITH my mom was WAY too long ago... ;_; But, until I get home and bombard her with my camera, enjoy the pics of my beauuuutiful mother, who taught my sister and me to be strong women who can do anything! :D Just like herrrrrrrrr!!!

Don't be like me and take some pictures with the lady that loves you most! <3

ughhhhhhh

That is basically how I would describe how I feel: "ughhhhh". Slept around 5 am thanks to my last midterm of several that is due today! Yayy! I'm done!!! :D

Anyways, last night around 4am to 4:15am until 4:30am I was trying to sleep but I kept hearing planes. I thought, that's odd, we don't live near LAX or anything... it was the sound of helicopters! I'm not sure if there was one or two, but they were hovering around our apartment and their lights were whirling about next door looking for something or someone...

What could it be?

Due to the lack of information on this, here is my blog to chronicle this event that has not gone unnoticed by my insomniac roomie and me! ;)

SENIORITIS at its finest!

Okkkk!! So I have three papers due next week and I spent the night reading for an assignment due in a couple weeks. Hahaha :P

Then, I took a facebook quiz on which Super Junior member is my bf/hubby...

I got Si Won, of course! hahahaha

Ok, I should really start getting to work. Now. Right... now. Or soon.

Yahhh!! How about an update on life?

I've fallen into a state of sadness, no, not depression, sadness. What am I going to do next year? I have no idea. I'm so scared. I feel so uncertain-- and I hate it.
The only thing keeping me up and going is faith that everything will fall into place. Psalm 121!! God won't let my feet slip and He is constantly watching over me-- so what have I to fear? Nothing! Right? Then why do I care so much? Sigh

I am definitely looking forward to moving back to NorCal, no more smoggy days and awful traffic. But also, no more UCLA, scenery, fun nightlife, chill hangouts with friends... no more college. ;_; I'm having a crisis... what do I want? What do I have to look forward to?

Well, I am also looking forward to spending this summer with family. Helping my beautiful sister with her wedding. Hanging out with my parents and grandma. I'm also excited about getting integrated into a church that is nearby! As much as I LOVE LHCC, it's so far, it was really a challenge getting involved, and also the fact that I am car-less REALLLLLY didn't help.

Hm... it feels good to write all this out. I'm not sure if anyone reads this either, so I'll just let loose! haha

I have to write a paper, but the professor puts on so many restrictions and things we have to include, that it doesn't feel like a paper. I feel like I just add random junk so that I can check mark it off. Like "causal phrase... check... okay, now add in a comparative clause... check..." Ugh! No creativity! How boring! I don't even want to start the oppression.

My other paper is just going to be long, but it is do-able. (It's comparing 2 Afro-francophone poems... one of them is my favorite we studied in class! Yes!)

The other paper is a 2-3 page paper on basically any reading we covered in class. I'm also taking the class Pass/No Pass... so not too much pressure there. But there is no incentive! Augh! Also, the professor is one of those let-me-ask-for-your-opinion-and-then-not-really-care-about-it professors. I'm not sure what to write. I just feel kinda stuck, you know?

Waiting in response for job applications/offers is really stressing me out, too. All in due time, though!! I believe it!!!

God, please continue to bless my family and friends... and help me to keep faith, Lord. I need You more than ever! <+3

Last quarter...

Hi hi!! I cannot believe I am going to be graduating in T-minus 6 weeks! O_O

Lots of changes have been going on recently, and the only reason I can cope is those moments when I get a grip and pray. I quit my part-time job, so I will : 1) have more free time!!, 2) have less money, 3) be less tired and stressed, 4) sleep a LOT, and 5) wake up earlier and work out more often and be a better student!!! hahah I had to group all of my favorite stuff at the end ;P

Anyways! I had a fantastic weekend with my sister who came to visit LA, but this week at school has been ROUGH. I have so much homework I feel like I'm drowning in it. Plus it's my last week at work, so I'm trying to get as many hours in as possible without dying. I just keep telling myself it's my last week so that I can keep on truckin'... but for real... I am collapsing inside!! Ahh!! So much reading, writing, THINKING.

Ok, so since I'm writing on this blog that must mean that I am not doing homework! Alrighty, I will go back to hwwwww.... Yayyyyyyyy.... Waking up extra early for the past couple days to do homework is poopy, but that's what I get for stretching myself too thin with extracurrics and school. Sigh.

Look forward to next week when I am more bubbly and jobless!!! :D