trop

Je ne vois rien
Il n'y a que Blanc
Devant mes yeux

Y a-t-il un rideau?
C'est le brouillard?
Non, c'est toi.

T'es trop brillant
Trop parfait
trop ...

J'essaie
Mais je sais fort bien
Tu m'es intouchable

Pour le moment

From Elley to Ronny

Dearest Ronny,

Do you remember about a month ago (May 3 to be exact), we had a gtalk convo about how you had to go through spring quarter by yourself this year? Then you wrote:

"it's this weather... bringing back lazy memories"

and I said, oh! that makes me want to write a poem?

Well, on the way home from work... I actually wrote that poem! haha But I didn't share it until now... out of sheer forgetfulness! (Mea culpa)

"Printemps"

The sun and the smell of spring
Flowers on my desk with a little note
                                                              from you
Staring at the ceiling
Sharing our dreams
We flop onto our beds
Like 2 pieces of toro slapped onto the cutting board
The dust specks look like crystals floating into the light

Spring is here again
The sun and the scent
                                           the same
But our dreams of yesterday have gone away
Another year
More memories

We both feel the languor brought by the rays' warmth
Together and apart
"It's this weather... bringing back lazy memories"

>Kkeut<

I know that I just off the phone with you, but I really wanted to say how much I really cherish you as a sister in Christ and a confidante. Remember the beginning of last summer when you got mad because I was so tight-lipped? HAHA (Don't deny it... hee hee) Well, you showed me that it's okay to open up and share. And when I do, you always say what I hoped someone would say, and I always walk away feeling loads better. Even just tonight's convo, I felt sane while explaining my wigging out moments to you, and every word you said was just what I needed to hear. Oh, and I get very happy when you can confide in me, too. Tee hee. Especially those funny and embarrassing stories... hhahaha :D

The past year has been pretty hard for me, too many transitions to count. Not to mention that my roomie of 4 years was no longer there every day to hug and bug and pray with. Job hunt, the grad school fiasco, family things, church stresses, but through it all I knew I could talk to you. Thanks for all the times you waited and prayed anxiously with me for news about all the happenings in Nor Cal and for calming me down during those roller coasters. It must have been hard making time for me amidst getting the life forces sucked out of you by the educational leech also known as the UCLA MSW program, but please know I truly appreciated it.

Hopefully you're reading this as a study break... or not... haha Remember, I'm the WORST study buddy ever. Tee hee! I can't stop doing my job just because I graduated, now can I? :)

Okay. This is cheesy, but whatever. I love you so much, my darling Ronny baby bunker boo. I thank God everyday for matching us up freshman year! Yippee yai kai yay!

Love,
Elley

Hi.

Hello hello. "How have you been?"

I haven't written in eons, but I am still alive! I think...

Lately I feel so indifferent and yet ambivalent about choices and events in my life. I don't like it. I want to feel alive. I want to be vibrant and vivacious... but I just feel lost and insignificant.

The funny thing is that I definitely have been embracing God's message that He is all we need. Good grades, a job, etc, are all things that help us survive or that can deserve merit, but God is really the only need I have that cannot be qualified subjectively for me. So why do I feel so down?

Psalm 43:5 spoke out to me this week:

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.


Yes, I want to praise Him! Yes, I want to put all of my hope into Him. And yet... what am I doing? I feel like a shell. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I am only human.

I wonder what I've gone and done to myself to change into this person I barely recognize... suffering from sleepless nights. Since when has smiling become a chore? I won't give up, I won't give in... but for today I will give it up to God. It's too strong for me today... and I wonder if it'll be okay if I pray that prayer again tomorrow...

i'm DONE.

i sent in my last final paper a couple hours ago. AU REVOIR, UNDERGRAD.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yet, I am still incredulous. Wow. It's OVER?! WHAT THEEEEEEEEEE.

8D

Floating

Hello all!
So I didn't announce it in my blog, but I think I will now... I ended up revoking my application from the internship in France for hotel managing, because the company was being very disorganized. They also glazed over a lot of important questions I had concerning living arrangements, dates I would go, which VISA to get... so ... CACA SUR VOUS!!! Too bad that doesn't make me feel any better about losing my principal chance to going back to France... sigh

I've been reading over my old blogs, and I realized... I really like blogging and reading over things. LOL So! I think I might spend more time on here! (Can I get a Yee haw???) Also! I realized that it might be interesting for me to upload entries from my diary while I was traveling. That way it could be an awesome travel blog, yea? Maybe some people can learn more about life in France, and in Europe in general, since I did do some extensive traveling. :)

Just a thought.

But man... I would just like a job that incorporates French, helping others, and anything that is not a desk-job or cubicle-related. I'm just floating until God presents me with an opportunity...

OH! SHARON GOT INTO USC GRAD PROGRAM! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO HAPPY FOR HERRR~! and I knew she could do it; she's so smart and awesome! Only the best roomies get into the best grad programs! hahah :D

Ok, time to get ready before class! Being a student is so hard especially during Week 8 of SPRING quarter... we're all just counting down until summer... or in my case... GRADUATION! YEEEAAA YUHHHHHHHH!

Gros bisous!

-Michelle

Waiting for my Easytones is not an easy thing to do.

Nooooo!!! You can't make meeeeeeeee... write my paper. -_-

I have yet another paper to poop out (as Sharon puts it, haha). This is getting to be super draining. It's hot to boot. Which makes me want to run and frolic outside, which I already did today! :)

Today was our annual Outdoor Service at church. Whheeee! The weather was gorgeous!! <3

Prayer requests:
Deda and Mario's health
Unni's wedding (bachelorette weekend)
Moving out/Moving in logistics
Sharon's grad school decision
San Leandro Hospital
job hunt

So many things on my mind lately, I feel bogged down, physically and mentally. Unfortunately, I was born with the odd superpower of NOT being able to take a nap. I've taken around 3 or 4 in my lifetime, and they range from 2 minutes to 5 hours. (Just some interesting stats for you...)

La dee dee dee!! My goal for summer is to lose 5 more pounds, I am so close to my goal!! :D And it's not to be freaky deaky skinny, it's for health. I want to just feel light and dance-y fresh anytime, all the time! :)

I just bought new Reebok Easytone shoes. I AM SO EXCITED. I actually saved up to buy them, so I am impatiently waiting for them. Eeek!

When I get them I will definitely write a review on them. These shoes are special, because they are built in a way that while you walk around you are working out specific muscles and getting toned. I mean, I walk EVERYWHERE, so I might as well get definition in my tushie and legs while I do it. I cannnot waiiiittt!! (But, obviously I can wait, since I'm waiting right now. And now. And now...)

I am looking forward to this summer. I want to move back home. I want to just chill and relax. And I want to start a new chapter of my life... my career! Yessss.... I know God is waiting to put me in touch with my true calling, and I am eager to find out what it is! :)

Please pray that I can stay calm and patient as He gets it all ready!!

Okily dokily, time to TRY and extend this paper another page. (WHEW)

Gros bisous,

Michelle

Happy Mother's Day! @-/--

Happy Umma's Day!!

Today at church, a couple that just had twin girls gave their testimony and it was really heart-wrenching. They talked about how hard they tried to have children and that they made themselves vulnerable to God to and to our church, and that was when God was able to reach out and bless them with their children. They also faced a miscarriage. I couldn't believe it since I knew the father of the girls and was always so bright and happy. Thank You, God for blessing them with children. If I know anyone who deserves to have children, it's Ji and Nancy. <3

I was a bit tired today, so sorry if I seemed out of it at church. I couldn't sleep very well last night, and I even found myself sleeping on the mat with the babies during daycare. It's okay, it's safe to leave your babies with me!! ;)

Taking care of babies is HARD work, so you should all REALLY thank your mommas for putting up with you (and your dads too, today and next month!).

Here are some pictures of my momma and me:






















Well. That makes me depressed. I just found out that the last time I took a picture WITH my mom was WAY too long ago... ;_; But, until I get home and bombard her with my camera, enjoy the pics of my beauuuutiful mother, who taught my sister and me to be strong women who can do anything! :D Just like herrrrrrrrr!!!

Don't be like me and take some pictures with the lady that loves you most! <3